Joe and I have been married for 2 1/2 years now. And we’ve been together for 6 1/2. I have to say that I am so lucky that he is so supportive of my dream to be a full time author.
A long time ago, I was with someone who was not so encouraging. We had different views about life. I guess he expected me to continue working in whatever job I had and he could seek out his dream of being a musician. Nothing against musicians. But, I just found it weird that he held one art to a higher standard. He could have gigs with his friends and expected me to attend his concerts with the college jazz band and orchestra but he would tease me when I attempted NaNoWriMo. Or even when I would write in my journal the few times we traveled. He’d make little snide comments about my dumb scribbles or made faces when I had my nose in a book. (During one trip, I got my hands on the final Harry Potter book the night it came out and I was determined to absorb it as soon as possible)
Long story short, we wanted different things and broke up. It was for the best for both of us or we would have been pretty miserable.
Fast forward to when Joe and I started dating. I would let him know when it was NaNoWriMo or if I had a self-imposed deadline. When I first moved in, he set up a table in the living room so I had a work space. If he caught me watching TV or playing solitaire, he’d say “Carey, get back to work” or “How are those words coming?” and I’d get back to what I should have been doing. Now, with having our daughter, I get writing time in whenever I can. Usually, that means rising before the sun to work before she wakes up. On weekends or evenings, he’ll take over care for a couple hours so I can shut myself away in the office or go to the library so I can work.
I did have to explain to him one day that my writing was an outlet I needed. One of the things that happened after I had Anna was I suddenly had chronic anxiety. Like, I would break out into hives from stress. If I didn’t have time for a creative outlet, my imagination would run wild and I would come up with this horrible worst-case-scenarios about life. Sometimes, they would manifest in nightmares. Looking back I think that started when I was pregnant. I was so exhausted all the time that I wasn’t writing and I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming or Joe would wake me because I was crying in my sleep and it would wake him up. I never remembered what I dreamed but it would take several minutes to calm myself down again. So, if I have a focus for my crazy imagination, like my books, it helps with the anxiety and accompanying nightmares.
I’m also an introvert. So, alone time is how I recharge. So, being able to go to the library, get a quiet room, and spend 2 hours with my work helps me refuel so I can better take care of my family. And, since I am the main caretaker for Anna during the week because Joe works, I need those solo times or I have trouble functioning. I’ll get frustrated easily when I’m tired and that can lead to an emotional outburst, usually toward Joe. And then I feel bad later. Fortunately, after so long, he’s learned when I’m nearing that point and he’ll suggest writing time.
I’m really lucky that he understands.
If you have someone in your life that doesn’t support your creative passion, I suggest talking to them. Explain how important it is for you. Whether or not you intend on making it a career. Maybe your outlet is scrapbooking as an example. And this person says, “Why can’t you just use a regular photo album?” Tell them why you like the act of decorating the pages and writing about whatever event you’re documenting. You like going to the store and getting the pretty paper and fun stickers. It’s a way to personalize your memories. Or, you have a stressful job and your creative passion is how you unwind and relax. It may take time but I hope they eventually understand.
That’s all from me today. Have a good week!
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