Well, 2019 ends tomorrow. It’s certainly been a crazy one. Full of ups and downs and surprises. Laughter and tears, stress, anxiety, joy, and relief. Adding a trigger warning. I will not go into every awful detail but I am talking about my experience with my daughter in the NICU. If this is a painful subject for you, I totally understand if you want to skip this post.
Started going into the year hopeful for the future. The first trimester of my pregnancy was coming to an end. Everything looked good and we were making plans. My husband was working on the nursery. I was loading up our registry with clothes and adorable items, all while trying to find the energy to still get writing done and do videos.
Then, things started to get complicated. I had a few health issues and discovered that my baby was a little behind in her growth. They thought it would remedy itself but, as she fell further behind, doctors grew concerned. And, my blood pressure continued to go up. During a routine checkup at my OB, my blood pressure was very high. So, I had to go to the hospital. I wasn’t even allowed to drive so my mom had to take me and come back later for my car. They began to run tests and told me I would be there until delivery. When that would be remained to be seen. I was 28 weeks pregnant at this point. I already knew of the possibility of the baby coming early but I had no idea it would be this early. While the survival rate at this point was almost as good as a full term baby, the goal was to try and get me to at least 32 weeks. (So, “ideally” I would be there for a month)
My husband went home and packed me a bunch of stuff to keep me occupied. He also went by work and told my boss, “Yeah… maternity leave starts now.” All this was on a Monday.
Saturday, a bunch of friends came to visit me. We had a nice time, given our location. My parents brought me Subway sandwiches and a friend brought me this huge cream puff. We watched Star Wars all day and talked and laughed. Helped keep my mind off where I was and I felt pretty good… and then…
After my friends left that evening, I started having back pain. Sleeping in those horrible hospital beds was getting to me, I figured. So, I walked around the halls for a bit to try and loosen up. Didn’t help. Went to lay down and then started getting pain in my abdomen. Called the nurse and my mom. I was scared. Tests were done and it was discovered my liver was failing. It was no longer safe for me or the baby. Time to prep for a C-Section.
Those first few weeks were the worst. She was so little and fragile. In that isolette with all those wires and tubes. But, I knew she was a firecracker.
Fast forward 103 long days, and baby girl came home! My days became dedicated to her and my nights were full of struggling to get her to sleep the night. Things are better now, though. She’s 7 months old. Almost 11 lbs, which may seem small for her age but given that she was just over a pound and a half at birth, she’s huge. I’m now able to write during the early morning hours, as I mentioned back in my last post a couple weeks ago. The rest of the time is devoted to my little girl.
So, what is in store for 2020?
Oh boy, do I have plans. Getting more writing done is my big work goal. I’m editing my first 2 books and finally working on nailing down book 3. My plan is to have the first draft of that in April Camp NaNo. I’ve started vlogging again. I don’t get my discussion videos up yet but if I can do my life vlog going weekly, it’s a start.
I plan on actually enjoying my summer with my family. My daughter will have the doctor’s clear to be out and about more after flu season. So, play dates and trips to the zoo and the beach. My best friend has a pool. Going to an orchard in the fall. Looking at lights in the winter.
I’m just ready to hit reset for 2020. My only comfort about those 103 days is that my daughter will never remember them and she’ll grow up being a happy, energetic kiddo.
Have a safe and happy new year. Hope you achieve all your goals and resolutions.