So, recently, talk show host Bill Maher spoke about bringing back fat shaming. Body positivity is only promoting an unhealthy lifestyle and we need to start shaming people thin. Now, I will link a YouTube clip of what he said here when I can find it. I’ll also link James Corden’s fabulous comeback. But, here is my response to Mr. Maher and all who agree with him.
Yes, obesity in this country is a problem. I totally agree with that. It’s far easier (and cheaper) to grab a big mac and coke than to take the time to make a healthy meal. Busy lives lead to less time to exercise properly. There are also medical conditions that cause obesity, or just make losing weight very difficult. Side effects of medication, chronic pain conditions, illnesses that slow one’s metabolism like hypothyroidism. There’s more to being fat than not getting off your ass and eating Kit Kats all day binging Big Bang Theory.
But, no, shaming people does not work. Body shaming does not work and is a severe form of bullying. And, it’s not just toward fat people? How many times have skinny people been told they need to eat more? People who have a scar or physical handicap get teased all the time. I’m on a Facebook group of preemie moms and so many heartbroken moms are asked if they starved themselves while pregnant or accused of doing something wrong because their child is tiny. Shaming is not motivating. It makes you feel like crap.
I’ll use my own life example. I, sadly, have plenty of experience with fat shaming. I’ve struggled with my weight since before I was a teenager. The misconception of people is that “If I criticize this person enough, it’ll motivate them to get moving.” First of all, as I’ve said, not all fat people are lazy and eat all day. Just like not all skinny people starve themselves. I mentioned above, there are medical causes to obesity. I have hypothyroidism. That screws up your hormones and metabolism if untreated. I take prednisone for my chronic pain which causes massive weight gain and throws off your blood sugar. I will admit to some of it being lifestyle. Do I have a gym membership I’m paying for but not using? Yes, but I also have a newborn who doesn’t let me sleep right now so I don’t have the time/energy to walk the treadmill right now. I don’t eat breakfast. I have been known to grab Oreos for lunch. I’m aware of these things and am working to fix them. Not because anyone is shaming me. It’s taken me years not to care what others think. I’m working on changing and getting healthy so I can be a better wife and mother for my family. Who cares what some troll on Instagram has to say about my figure? But, it wasn’t always like that for me.
I used to care about what people thought and really took it to heart. When I was in 6th grade, I was one of the biggest kids in my class. Both in height and waistline. I wasn’t athletic. Also, an introvert, much more content reading a book on the swings at recess than playing basketball or jump rope. All these things equaled “Target” to the jerks in my school. and they made sure I was number 1 on the list. They were brutal. I’d come home crying almost daily. My grades suffered. I begged my family to find a way to pick up and move to another district. I even contemplated taking my life. Keep in mind, I was twelve. And I’m thinking suicide.
Time went on. I did change to a different high school. I had a small group of friends and started to not worry what others thought. I also learned to stand up for myself, usually when I had enough of someone’s crap. Now, it’s one thing to hear shaming from total strangers or from some twerp in school. It’s another to get it from family. When I was about 17, my great-aunt was visiting from out of town. When she was preparing to leave, she stood me in front of her, looked me up and down, and said, “I want you to drop 100 lbs before I see you again.” I was too shocked to react. My grandmother was standing there and she was ticked! She lived with us and knew all I’d gone through for 6 years. Chased her sister out of the house! They argued, my aunt left, and we never saw her again. My great-aunt could be a very sweet lady when she wanted to. She always brought us gifts, even if it was just the junk she bought at work and passed off on us. She and my grandmother would share stories for hours about growing up in the Depression and being first generation Americans. So, it speaks volumes that this is the interaction that stands out most in my memories.
So, what can be done? Educating people for one would be a huge step. Both in living a healthy lifestyle and acceptance of oneself and others. That’s what I love about the body positivity movement. People of all sizes and shapes helping to embrace self-love. Because if there’s no self love, where is the motivation to grow and improve? And, it’s not going to happen overnight. I’m 35. The worst of the shaming I received was from when I was 12. I’ll let you do the math. And, I still give my husband the “are you for real or just saying that to be nice” look.
Speaking out against the toxic beauty culture- the mold society expects women and men to fit into to truly be considered attractive. The image of beauty promoted in the Miss America pageants and Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. There’s nothing wrong with looking like that but it shouldn’t be promoted as the only way to look to be considered beautiful. Everyone lost their mind when Ashley Graham became the first plus size model on Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition because she was a size 16, but I thought it was fantastic! It’s a step in the right direction for women of all sizes: short, tall, curvy, slim. Much like the talk about racial and gender diversity in media, including people of all sizes is so important. Our world is a melting pot of looks and personalities of all kinds. If we embraced those more than criticizing because they don’t fit “our ideals,” everyone would be a lot happier. Children would not kill themselves from eating disorders.
This has become a bit or a ramble-fest but I’m hoping I got some kind of point across.
Have a great week!